wtf #TheOscars

THERE’S NO HOST. Now that we have that out of the way (seemingly the only thing that matters according to my Twitter notifications), let’s get not excited for the Oscars because, seriously, wtf. Just a big ol’ all around double u – tee – eff. This is *~the Academy~*. In a world that is crumbling, I need to rely on something, but *~the Academy*~ is seriously failing me. But really, what do I expect? Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten more picky pretentious about films, maybe it’s because the Academy is still stuck in it’s old ways. It’s probably both. Regardless, the Oscars have been losing viewership for a while now, and this year is clearly going to cause even more destruction. I don’t even want to watch, and I thrive on this sort of thing (“thing” being a conglomeration of a sinking ship, a room full of mostly losers and a select few winners, and any place Timothée Chalamet is present). Alas, the live-tweeting and predictions must prevail! So, if you want a host, just look to my Twitter feed. #thirsty #pleasedontunfollowme #Kony2012

Let’s get this straight: the movies nominated kind of low-key (high-key?) suck. Ok, they don’t suck, but you cannot convince me that they were the best movies of the year. No way, no how. I watched Green Book a couple of nights ago and just, like, what? I can’t even write effectively at the moment because I am so confused. We live in a world where Moonlight, a PHENOMENAL movie from the astounding Barry Jenkins who should be nominated for wayyyy more awards for If Beale Street Could Talk, took the biggest prize a few years ago and now Green Book is the hit of the year? A movie with zero nuance about racism that is clearly directed by a white man? Nevermind that it just completely misuses the talents of two really great actors. Really, way to take like five thousand steps backward. I’m out.

Rather than me continuing my tangent onward (and because I am lazy AF), please see this article from The Hollywood Reporter for a fairly accurate depiction of how I feel toward this years nominees.

Well, I guess these are my predictions? Honestly I don’t even care and I’m just fed up so this is super halfhearted. Like, I’d maybe rather do my taxes? Can’t believe I even took the time to write this. This is so sad and pathetic. Thank you and goodbye.

*Read until the end for my favorite movies of 2019*

^ denotes favorite nominee according to personal emotional appeal

* denotes who I think most deserves to win (and therefore who I would vote for if I were a member of the Academy)

Bolded nominees are those I think will win.

Best Picture

• Black Panther
• BlacKkKlansman*
• Bohemian Rhapsody
• The Favourite*^
• Green Book
• Roma*
• A Star is Born
• Vice

I don’t feel too strongly about this, hence three choices as “most deserving”. As I’m writing this, the only film in the Best Picture category I haven’t seen is Vice and I’m fairly certain it won’t have an impact on these current standings.  Where is If Beale Street Could Talk, by the way? That was the best film of 2018, IMO. If Roma does not win, Green Book (barf) likely will. I should say, I guess, that Green Book was fine. It was a decent enough film. But it was not great. It did not make me think critically or want to talk about it after. It just existed, and that’s all.

Also, I must say, please go see Roma in theaters if you have the chance. I saw it at IFC and I think it makes a massive difference in terms of experiencing it as cinema. I enjoyed it very much. And wept.

Best Director

• Alfonso Cuarón, Roma
• Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite^
• Spike Lee, BlacKkKlansman*
• Adam McKay, Vice
• Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War

And we’re back to the way the U S of A likes it, all male directors! Barf once again. If I could’ve added a white male director though, I would’ve liked to see Bo Burnham up here. Or Jonah Hill. Directing kids is pretty impressive, and directing kids who did such freaking fantastic jobs in their respective films is both an accomplishment on their part and on the director for capturing the purity and vulnerability.

I’m enthralled with Lanthimos. He takes massive risks and they work. The Favourite was a masterpiece, and a lot of that is due in part to his genius. Brava.

Also, I’m still waiting to see Spike Lee in Fort Greene.

Best Actress in a Lead Role

• Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
• Glenn Close, The Wife
• Olivia Colman, The Favourite*^
• Lady Gaga, A Star is Born
• Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

This is a pretty impressive list, to be honest (though I really wish Elsie Fisher had been nominated for Eighth Grade and Toni Collette had been nominated for Hereditary). The only one of these that I have not seen is The Wife and I’m sure Glenn Close was great in it. She’s like Meryl, she’s great in everything, except she has NEVER won an Oscar and has been nominated a thousand gazillion times. Which is likely why she will win here because the Academy loves giving Oscars to people after a long long wait, even if it was not for their best performance. Sigh. Also it is important to note that I was once on stage with John Legend and I was too focused on taking pictures of Glenn Close clapping for me while she was in the audience to even notice John Legend was like two feet away from me. Because Close is the true legend (lol get it lol I hate myself).

Olivia Colman is a freaking STAR. I loved The Favourite, I loved her in it. Give her all of the awards. If Close does not win, I think Colman will. I know, I know, boo hoo Lady Gaga won’t win (and she doesn’t deserve to. She gave a decent performance in a decent movie. Does she or A Star is Born deserve an Oscar? No. But hey, Bradley Cooper will still choose her even in a room of 500+ Academy voters that did not).

Best Actor in a Lead Role

• Christian Bale, Vice
• Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born
• Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
• Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
• Viggo Mortenson, Green Book

Snooze fest. I’m not even going to pick here because I just don’t really care enough. I love Willem Dafoe, but I haven’t seen At Eternity’s Gate yet. I have a feeling I’m going to like Bale as Cheney (especially since he thanked Satan for inspiration at the Golden Globes).  Hoping to squeeze Vice in before tonight. My friend Jack described Vice as some sort of liberal joyride, so I’m looking forward to it. I’ve heard Malek’s been campaigning like crazy and a lot of the voters like him, so he’ll probably win. If he doesn’t, Bale likely will.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

• Amy Adams, Vice
• Marina de Tavira, Roma
• Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk*^
• Emma Stone, The Favourite
• Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

I have so much to say here, another solid category. Females in Hollywood are really doing phenomenal work, and have for years, and it’s honestly disrespectful to see how much better they are in the nominations this year than their male counterparts. Please see this tweet for a visual representation of this statement.

Another woman who deserves a freaking Oscar at this point: Amy Adams. She is tour de force and should have so many Oscars at this point and also nominations for films she was not nominated for and I will save this rant for another time because I have to leave for church in a couple of hours and have a lot to do before that include finish writing this but UGH. Like we’re all talking about the fact that Close has 7 nominations and no win (yet), but Amy has 6! This is a TRAVESTY.

ALSO I think that actors are a hugely significant part of what makes a film really great and the fact that all three leading women from The Favourite are nominated says something. PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE! Lanthimos is amazing and directed these incredible actors so well. The Favourite is really a prime example of the kinds of films that I want to be nominated and win.

All of that being said, I want Regina King to win, I would vote for her, and I think she will win. I repeat, If Beale Street Could Talk was probably my favorite film last year and King gave an incredibly beautiful performance and I look forward to seeing her take the trophy.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

• Mahershala Ali, Green Book
• Adam Driver, BlacKkKlansman
• Sam Elliot, A Star is Born
• Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me?*^
• Sam Rockwell, Vice

HAHAHA wow I was so unamused with writing about more white men (aside from Ali, of course) that I literally FORGOT to do Best Actor in a Supporting Role and am writing this post-publication. It’s all in the edits, babyyy.

Yeah, well, here you go. Thought Grant was good. Ali will win, just because he’s a superb actor in general. That’s it.

Best Original Screenplay

• The Favourite*^
• First Reformed
• Green Book
• Roma
• Vice

Glad to see First Reformed here. I didn’t see it, but would like to and have heard great things. Big Ethan Hawke stan. Hoping to see him on Broadway with Paul Dano (whom I love very much). If The Favourite wins here, the Academy will see it almost like a consolation for not winning director or best picture. Sad that it works that way (see last year with Jordan Peele winning for Get Out, which is maybe the biggest robbery for best picture in recent years). If The Favourite doesn’t win, Green Book might? God, I hope not.

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Ballad of Buster Scruggs
• BlacKkKlansman^
• If Beale Street Could Talk*
• Can You Ever Forgive Me?
• A Star is Born

And though we know at this point how I feel about If Beale Street Could Talk, I think I would vote for BlacKkKlansman. Again, I think this is one of those “consolation” things. Like Spike Lee is probably going to get robbed for Best Director, an award he should definitely have received by now considering his magnificent body of work, so they’re going toss the movie a bone here and give it Best Adapted Screenplay. Which it deserves. But Lee also deserves the recognition for direction.

Best Cinematography

• Cold War
• The Favourite^
• Never Look Away
• Roma*
• A Star is Born

I’m torn between Roma and The Favourite. Both movies were so visually beautiful, but very different. I’ll be pleased if either wins.

My Favourite Films of 2018

• If Beale Street Could Talk
• Eighth Grade
• The Favourite
• Mid90s
• Never Goin’ Back
• Roma

Honorable mentions: American Animals, The Death of Stalin, Hereditary

Welp, here’s hoping next year’s awards are bigger and brighter, because we all know tonight is going to be booooooooring (wow, I am just a pool of pessimism right now).

Bye,

CW

Upon re-reading, I see I’ve used the word “decent” quite a few times and I see now that it is the most fitting word to some up how I feel about these movies. Just kind of “meh”.

02/25/2019

Welp, the only think I managed to truly predict was how much of a disappointment this was. Truthfully, I think the program was presented well. I didn’t mind not having a host at all. Thought the performances were delightful. But as for the winners…ugh. Also, this is maybe my worst year yet in terms of actually predicting things. 6/9.